Throughout this lockdown, there has been one thing that has become apparent: how I’m happier just in my own company. I feel at peace when it just me, myself, and I. Wonder why this is?
I have always been that girl who never felt the need to be in with a crowd of people; if anything, I find a crowd suffocating, and I can only ever breathe easily when I’m on my own. This can also be linked to my social anxiety and could be one reason I’m happy being on my own.
The thing that drives me crazy when I have found myself in a crowd is how the moment someone steps away – or even yourself, one person would talk about that person behind their back. I know this human nature, and inevitably, we all do it, but I find it so spiteful. If you got a problem with me, please say it to my face rather than go behind my back. I’m only human, and I am bound to mess up, so please talk to me, and I can correct my error. I have been in that position too many times in the past, and it makes me think that if people are going to put me in this situation, then It be better for everyone if I remove myself.
When you are on your own, I found that only you are in charge, and due to this, you’re free to do what you want. This is what I like: pure freedom. You’re free to do what you want and when you want. I’m sure if you have been out with friends or family, you get pulled into a direction you don’t want to go but feel compelled to go that way. There’s nothing wrong with it, and sometimes you miss out on things you want to do. So, when you are on your own, you get to do what you want to do.
When I was at school, we would play a game: Stranger Danger. The idea was that you would partner with someone to avoid being in danger. The game’s morale was that it was a lot scarier and frightening on your own, and you were at risk from a stranger. I always thought the concept of the game was kind of silly. A young me would argue with the teacher that you can’t always be partnered with someone, and there will be a time that being on your own would be better.
I use to work with a lady who lost her husband to cancer; upon reading PS I love you written by Cecelia Ahern (it is a good book, and you must watch the film), she realizes that moving on was by taking the first few steps on her own. Once she got over her grief, she went everywhere on her own. This lady was always telling me tales of her adventures. I asked her one day if she gets lonely, she replied she doesn’t and enjoys being on her own.
Sometimes being on your own is just a fact of life, and rather than push against it – you should embrace it. Being your own company means you can breathe easily and make up your own decision rather than get pulled into a different direction. As for loneliness, well, it depends on how you look at it. If you’re someone who enjoys social interaction, then going down this path might not be for you. If you’re like and struggle to make your voice heard in a social situation, then being on your own might be a logical option for you.
That is how it has been for me throughout lockdown, a chance to do my own thing and to listen to my internal voice. It has also given me a much-needed breather and makes me realize I am happier on my own, and I don’t need a crowd of people to keep me entertained.
